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Medical
School Personal Statement Secrets
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essay advice by Harvard-educated editors.
Medical school
admissions officers will often emphasize that they don't
care what you choose to write about in your essay. They
stress this because most writers try too hard to meet
the expectations of their imagined readers, discarding
all of their own personality in the process. Of course,
there's truth in their advice: you should write with the
goal of expressing your own values and conveying the qualities
most important to you. But you must exercise your creativity
with an eye toward the themes and points that will justify
your suitability for medicine. After all, your ultimate
goal is not just to stand out as a likeable person, but
to obtain admission to a medical school.
In addition
to the challenge of crafting a fresh take on standard
ideas, you face the difficulty of integrating multiple
sophisticated themes into a single coherent piece. The
themes can be grouped into two basic categories: those
that speak to your motivation for becoming a doctor and
those that demonstrate the characteristics and abilities
that qualify you for the profession.
As the founder
of EssayEdge.com, the Net's largest admissions essay prep
company, I have seen firsthand the difference a well-written
application essay can make. Through its free online admissions
essay help course and 300 Harvard-educated editors, EssayEdge.com
helps tens of thousands of student each year improve their
essays and gain admission to medical schools ranging from
Harvard to State U.
Having personally
edited over 2,000 admissions essays myself for EssayEdge.com,
I have written this article to help you avoid the most
common essay flaws. If you remember nothing else about
this article, remember this: Be Interesting. Be Concise.
Why Medicine?
Because people
don't usually make career decisions based on pure reason,
it can be difficult to explain why you've chosen the field
you have. Moreover, your basic reasons probably look a
lot like everyone else's. In this type of essay, you'll
have to develop your ideas effectively and insightfully
while emphasizing your uniqueness.
Medicine requires
such a serious commitment that few people stumble across
the idea of pursuing it late in life. It's very likely
that you have always wanted to be a doctor, and that's
not a fact that you should hide. But don't offer your
point in such a clichéd, prepackaged way as to make your
reader cringe. For example, you shouldn't start your essay,
"I have always wanted to be a doctor" or "I've
always known that medicine was my calling." Better
to describe early experiences and then let your interest
unfold naturally.
Describing the
direct impact a doctor had on your life or the life of
someone close to you can be an effective way to demonstrate
what draws you to medicine. A twist on the "patient's
perspective" approach is to describe a time when
medicine failed to save or heal someone close to you.
The purpose of this tactic would not be to rail against
the medical profession, of course, but rather to show
how a disappointing loss inspired you to join the struggle
against disease and sickness.
How Are You
Qualified?
The way to prove
your qualification is not to list attributes you believe
you possess but to discuss concrete experiences that show
your abilities and qualities. As always, details are paramount.
The rest of your application has already summarized your
accomplishments and your activities. Show the reader what
you did in concrete terms, and again, highlight your active
roles.
The experiences
that demonstrate your qualification are not necessarily
distinct from those that explain your motivation. You
shouldn't plan on dividing the essay into two separate
sections for each, but rather organize the structure by
topic and extrapolate insights as they develop. It's important
that you think of the essay as an integrated whole, not
as a checklist of questions you must answer.
Some degree
of hospital experience is usually expected, though it's
more essential to the "testing your interest"
aspect we discussed in the last section of the course
than to your qualifications. The main point you're trying
to convey here is that you will work well with patients
and in a clinical setting. Your shadowing experience might
overlap this material, but the emphasis here is on what
you learned through observation.
A strong research
background helps your case, because the laboratory is
such an integral part of the medical school experience.
It's not possible to prove your intellectual capability
through a short description of your projects, so you should
try to convey such intangible qualities as creativity,
initiative, and original thinking. Focus on your contribution
rather than your research topic. For example, you could
describe a situation where you recognized a flaw in a
procedure and had the initiative to show your supervisor
how efficiency could be improved. No matter how minor
your contribution seems, it's better to focus on some
tangible input that you had than to describe the project
as a whole. As always, the key is to delineate your active
role.
TOP 10 MEDICAL
SCHOOL PERSONAL STATEMENT WRITING TIPS
1.
Don't Resort to Clichés.
Every year, medical school admissions officers read thousands
of variations of this sentence: "I want to be a doctor
so I can help people." It's undoubtedly true in most
instances, yet it inevitably fails because it reveals
nothing unique about the individual applicant. If you
demonstrate a penchant for helping others by describing
specific activities--community service, for example--it
will become unnecessary to declare that desire, as it
will already be clear. Every doctor helps people, so focus
on the specific actions you have taken.
2.
Don't Bore the Reader. Do Be Interesting.
Admissions officers have to read hundreds of essays, and
they must often skim. Abstract rumination has no place
in an application essay. Admissions officers aren't looking
for a new way to view the world; they're looking for a
new way to view you, the applicant. The best way to grip
your reader is to begin the essay with a captivating snapshot.
Notice how the blunt, jarring "after" sentence
creates intrigue and keeps the reader's interest.
Before:
I am a compilation of many years of experiences
gained from overcoming the relentless struggles of life.
After: I was six years old, the eldest of six
children in the Bronx, when my father was murdered.
3.
Do Use Personal Detail. Show, Don't Tell!
Good essays are concrete and grounded in personal detail.
They do not merely assert "I learned my lesson"
or that "these lessons are useful both on and off
the field." They show it through personal detail.
"Show, don't tell" means that if you want to
relate a personal quality, do so through your experiences
without merely asserting it.
Before:
If it were not for a strong support system which
instilled into me strong family values and morals, I
would not be where I am today.
After: Although my grandmother and I didn't have
a car or running water, we still lived far more comfortably
than did the other families I knew. I learned an important
lesson: My grandmother made the most of what little
she had, and she was known and respected for her generosity.
Even at that age, I recognized the value she placed
on maximizing her resources and helping those around
her.
The first example
is vague and could have been written by anybody. But the
second sentence evokes a vivid image of something that
actually happened, placing the reader in the experience
of the applicant.
4.
Do Be Concise. Don't Be Wordy.
Wordiness not only takes up valuable space, but also confuses
the important ideas you're trying to convey. Short sentences
are more forceful because they are direct and to the point.
Certain phrases, such as "the fact that," are
usually unnecessary. Notice how the revised version focuses
on active verbs rather than forms of "to be"
and adverbs and adjectives.
Before:
My recognition of the fact that we had finally completed
the research project was a deeply satisfying moment
that will forever linger in my memory.
After: Completing the research project at last
gave me an enduring sense of fulfillment.
5.
Do Address Your Weaknesses. Don't Dwell on Them.
At some point on your application, you will have an opportunity
to explain deficiencies in your record, and you should
take advantage of it. Be sure to explain them adequately:
Staying up late the night before the MCAT is not a legitimate
reason for a bad performance, while documented sickness
could be. If you lack volunteer hospital experience, you
might point out the number of hours you had to work to
make college more affordable for your family. The best
tactic is to spin the negatives into positives by stressing
your attempts to improve; for example, mention your poor
first-quarter grades briefly, then describe what you did
to bring them up.
6. Do Vary Your Sentences and Use Transitions.
The best essays contain a variety of sentence lengths
mixed within any given paragraph. Also, remember that
transition is not limited to words like nevertheless,
furthermore or consequently. Good transition flows from
the natural thought progression of your argument.
Before:
I started playing piano when I was eight years old.
I worked hard to learn difficult pieces. I began to
love music.
After: I started playing the piano at the age
of eight. As I learned to play more difficult pieces,
my appreciation for music deepened.
7.
Do Use Active Voice Verbs,
Passive-voice expressions are verb phrases in which the
subject receives the action expressed in the verb. Passive
voice employs a form of the word to be, such as was or
were. Overuse of the passive voice makes prose seem flat
and uninteresting.
Before:
The lessons that have prepared me for my career
as a doctor were taught to me by my mother.
After: My mother taught me lessons that will
prove invaluable in my career as a doctor.
8.
Do Seek Multiple Opinions.
Ask your friends and family to keep these questions in
mind:
-
Does my
essay have one central theme?
-
Does my
introduction engage the reader? Does my conclusion
provide closure?
-
Do my introduction
and conclusion avoid summary?
-
Do I use
concrete experiences as supporting details?
-
Have I used
active-voice verbs wherever possible?
-
Is my sentence
structure varied, or do I use all long or short sentences?
-
Are there
any clichés, such as "cutting-edge" or "learned
my lesson"?
-
Do I use
transitions appropriately?
-
What about
the essay is memorable?
-
What's the
worst part of the essay?
-
What parts
of the essay need elaboration or are unclear?
-
What parts
of the essay do not support my main argument?
-
Is every
single sentence crucial to the essay? This must be
the case.
-
What does
the essay reveal about my personality?
9.
Don't Wander. Do Stay Focused.
Many applicants try to turn the personal statement into
a complete autobiography. Not surprisingly, they find
it difficult to pack so much information into such a short
essay, and their essays end up sounding more like a list
of experiences than a coherent, well-organized thought.
Make sure that every sentence in your essay exists solely
to support one central theme.
10.
Do Revise, Revise, Revise.
The first step in an improving any essay is to cut, cut,
and cut some more. EssayEdge.com's free admissions essay
help course and Harvard-educated editors will be invaluable
as you polish your essay to perfection. The EssayEdge.com
free help course guides you through the entire essay-writing
process, from brainstorming worksheets and question-specific
strategies for the twelve most common essay topics to
a description of ten introduction types and editing checklists.
SAMPLE ESSAY
His eyesight
was almost completely gone, yet there he was on the diamond.
I met Jason last summer in Chicago, where I volunteered
at a tournament for Beep Baseball, a baseball-like sport
for the visually impaired. He was my age--handsome, friendly,
and athletic. But Jason was blind. Struck by glaucoma,
he had begun to lose his vision in his early teens. By
high school, he had become legally blind. My sympathy
only intensified when I learned that, had his disease
been diagnosed earlier, he almost surely would have retained
partial vision. Financially strapped, Jason's family had
avoided taking him to a doctor for as long as they could;
when he finally visited a physician, it was too late.
For years I had planned to work in technology, but my
encounters with Jason and others like him convinced me
that medicine is my true calling.
Actually, growing
up I had always planned to become a doctor, but my goals
changed as I began to take computer science classes at
[COLLEGE NAME]. In the first meeting of my sophomore-year
class on Programming in Artificial Intelligence, Professor
B joked, "You know those movies where killer robots
eventually take over the world? Believe them." I
did just that, placing my trust in the vast opportunities
offered by computer programming. In my first computer
course, I created applications that could beat a human
in tic-tac-toe, calculate complex mathematical problems,
and even converse with humans on a specified topic. Fascinated
with the potential of these programs, I embarked on a
different path, away from clinical medicine. I saw a world
in which computers would change and even replace processes
in every industry, and I wanted to join the researchers
at the forefront of this revolution.
Five years after
that first class, the potential contribution of computer
technology still inspires me. The possibilities are astounding.
Scientists mapped the human genome years before their
original deadline. Nanotechnology promises to revolutionize
the way we detect and cure diseases. Still, the more I
learn about technology, the more I recognize its inadequacies.
Although the "psychologist" program I created
faithfully reproduces human responses, I discovered that
I would never want to speak with a computer about my problems.
Certain interactions simply demand personal contact. As
I have tutored underclassmen in math and science, worked
with athletes in the Special Olympics, and visited with
patients as a volunteer at Northwest Community Hospital,
I have realized that the human element in such relationships
is irreplaceable. While technology may shape the future
of mankind, only humanity can touch individual lives.
Jason's story
touched mine, confirming my growing sense of the deficiencies
in science and technology. Advances in medical knowledge
and techniques are useless without parallel progress in
healthcare accessibility, widespread education about health
issues, and most importantly, strong doctor-patient relationships.
The revolutionary treatment methods I imagined myself
inventing might never have an impact on patients like
Jason. On the other hand, the dedication of just a few
volunteers allowed him to play the sport he had always
loved. Science could not fix Jason's eyesight, but supportive
doctors, volunteers, and friends could help him live a
fulfilling life. Spending time with him and others convinced
me that, in addition to my research in medical science
and technology, I wanted to work directly with those whose
ailments cannot currently be cured.
I have thus
circled back to my original path towards medicine, with
no regrets about the scenic route that led me here. Indeed,
I am confident that I will make good use of my computer
science skills as I research potential advancements in
medical technology. This summer, I began work as a research
assistant to Dr. C at Northwestern's Buehler Center on
Aging. With Dr. C, I am developing a computer program
that determines the "quality of life" of terminally
ill patients. By compiling physician diagnostics and patient
responses to questionnaires, the system assesses the value
of given treatments as well as the efficacy of specific
pharmaceuticals. Through this project, we hope to understand
and improve the current care of the terminally ill. After
watching Dr. C and other doctors at the medical research
facility, I can now declare with confidence that I want
to follow their example in my own career, combining clinical
practice and research.
My work on the
"quality of life" evaluation project gave me
a perfect opportunity to fulfill this dual goal, and I
look forward to a lifetime spent on similar pursuits.
Yet I will never forget that the seeds of my current ambition
arose not in the laboratory or at the health center, but
on a baseball diamond filled with people playing a game
they likely thought they would never play again. In my
own career as a physician, I will strive to serve my patients
not only as a healer, but also as a friend, supporting
them in their toughest moments, and as a mentor, guiding
them to live healthy lifestyles. Robots may assist in
my endeavors, but they will never possess the compassion
of my fellow physicians and me.
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